3 Ninja Questions To Manage Expectations

You have heard the saying “Expectations lead to disappointment” but what does that mean and how does that happen?  In order to understand this question it is important to start with an understanding of what expectations are.

Here is my interpretations of expectations:

Expectations are your interpretations of a specific result, in a specific time frame, with specific details of how it will happen, specifics of who will be involved, specific behaviors and specific outcomes.

Notice the recurring pattern?  The problem with expectations is they are based on a large amount of specifics.  But why is that a problem?  Because as events and results unfold the specifics are rarely met exactly as you have defined them.  Life and business have a way of unfolding that is different than the specifics you have predetermined.

To quote Albert Einstein: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Expectations can be kind of like that.  You want them to look a particular way whether it has worked in the past or not.

This can lead not only to disappointment, frustration and stress but to missed opportunities.  When you are solely focused on a particular set of specifics you might decided that other equally valid or successful (or even more so) options don’t fit your expectations and are thus dismissed.

So what can you do to manage your expectations a little easier?  Here are 3 Ninja Questions designed to rapidly shift and transform your expectations into tools for your success!

1. Is my expectation based on something that is in my control or out of my control?

Very often one of the most difficult realities to expectations is that the details are not actually in your control.  When something is not in your control you can’t affect it.  Things that are in your control include your behaviors, your attitude, your boundaries and how you respond to what happens.  Things that are out of your control include all of these in other people.

The more you can focus on what is in your control and what it will lead to the easier it is to get out of expectation mode.  Additionally, once you are focused on what is in your control you can have a better idea of the multiple ways in which these results might occur and meet your needs.

2. What is my desired general result or emotional experience?

This question helps you focus on the bigger picture rather than the detailed specifics.  As mentioned the challenge with expectations is the vast amount of specifics.  If you can shift your attention to the broader picture or the emotional experience you will be able to see the multiple ways the results can unfold and still meet your needs!

When you are able to make this shift you will discover that a lot of the perceived disappointment and failure melts away.  As you are able to do this more and more you will see ever increasing opportunities to get satisfying results.

3. How could I change my attitude or approach to support the outcome I really want?

This can often be one of the most challenging opportunities to change your results and expectations.  What is important to note is that this relates to the first question in that it is the most in control element!  It is also a very important question because it focuses on how you can guide your own results.

The more you focus on how your attitude and approach can change a situation the more you can drive the results you want.  Just because you have an expectation doesn’t mean it can’t be met!  You just need to make sure the expectation is properly tempered and then put into action the approach and attitude that will give it the highest chance of success.

Expectations are a killer for business professionals.  If you are constantly setting expectations of work or client attraction or promotion and not getting them it is demoralizing.  However, if you use these questions you will be able to once again drive the changes you want to create!

The secret to expectation is to make sure you create it such that the greatest possible number of options will support its success.  Once you are able to do that and put yourself in charge….the likelihood of disappointment decreases rapidly!